Why You Aren’t Happy…

why you aren't happyForget Everything You’ve Been Sold About Happiness

(and why you aren’t happy.)

If you’ve been relying on finding your soulmate, getting to a Size 6, moving house or winning the lottery, the bad news is, these have nothing to do with why you aren’t happy.

Neither have your age, education or current home.

Kinda sucks doesn’t it…there go all those convenient reasons…

So why aren’t you happy?


You Aren’t Happy Because You Believed The Hype

You sung along with cinderella and waited for Prince Charming, drooled over glossy magazine ads promising branded bliss and believed the endless media feed reiterating that happiness is provided by something outside of you.

You buy a new pair of shoes – you get happy. A hot guy asks you out – you get happy.


Those are fabulous but brief moments of delight, euphoria or maybe just pure lust ๐Ÿ˜‰ dressed in happiness clothing. They make us feel validated and worthy but, like our favourite chocolate bar…they cannot last long.

And I love Disney, flashy ads and a good RomCom as much as the next girl but when I tried to live my life based on the “get happiness from elsewhere” belief…it didn’t work out so well.

Happiness Is Not a State

Happiness is a feeling. And just like pleasure and joy, you can choose when you feel it and how much of it you feel.

Simples right?

In a way…

You can FEEL happy about pretty much anything (a chilled glass of Prosecco works for me.)

This is why some of the poorest people in the world can also be the happiest. While living in Africa I met more genuinely happy people than I’ve ever known back home in the U.K. The difference? They were poor. Their happiness benchmark was far lower, so it didn’t take much for them to be happy and fully engaged in the joy of life. They danced at any opportunity cus…why not?

why you aren't happyI know this after rebuilding myself from years of illness. When you’re on the sharp end of survival, you feel alive. You are present to, and feel, even the tiniest moment of happiness.

Happiness is always within us but so many people forget to notice it.

You Aren’t Happy Because You’re Numb

A hug from a friend. A delicious home cooked meal. Great sex with your lover. A hot bath. Utter simplicities that can bring happiness if you let them.

Happiness is never complicated because it never requires anything other than us.

And our attention.

We have forgotten what it is to FEEL and who can blame us? The world can appear frightening, violent and devoid of humanity. It’s no wonder we numb ourselves to the deluge of fear fed to us through our devices andย turn to objects and others to try and get us back into our feelings. It’s so much easier to engage with the safe, temporary happiness of a new dress or job promotion rather than what’s going on inside.

But shifting from numbed out to free flowing happiness is easier than you think…

why you aren't happyYou Aren’t Happy Because You Don’t Know The Happiness Anywhere Anytime Rules

Rule 1 – You don’t need to achieve something to be happy. You don’t need goals, affirmations and intentions to be happy.

Rule 2 – You don’t need more hustle you need harmony.

You already have everything you need to be happy.


Happiness comes from within. Peace comes from within. Bliss comes from within and you’re the one turning on the tap.You can be happy in the middle of an argument. Just think of something (else) that makes you happy. You can be happy in the middle of a traffic jam, bank queue or while having a cervical smear.

You can be happy anytime you want to. It’s a choice.


“This is about being deliberate with our feelings. It’s about taking radical responsibility

for how you create your life.”ย  ย  Danielle La Porte


Try something today. Treat the day as though there’s nothing for you to,


Strive for



Give yourself permission to be enough just as you are. Speak your truth, do your work but without attachment to a goal or outcome. Just be in your day, in your body, noticing how you FEEL. Move towards what makes you FEEL happy. Move away from what doesn’t. Remain unattached to outcomes, just do what you need to do harmoniously.

No attachment = Peace

Peace = contentment = happiness

Notice the difference in your cells, in your energy levels, in the tightness of your shoulders.

Be in the flow of your life and be happy about it.

But that’s toooo simple!!!! You’re screaming…

Try it. Really try it. See if you can do it without slipping back to striving for everything you believe you need, rather than how you want to feel.

You Aren’t Happy Because You’re Addicted To Striving

Striving is the modus operandi du jour. It may feel pretty odd to switch to creating your day from how you want to feel instead.

So if you slip back into striving for happiness from external sources…like more money, a bigger house, a better car, whatever…imagine actually getting it.

Yes, for a brief moment you feel a sense of achievement that looks like happy but really you feel good because it gives you….


A sense of security? Status? Signifigance?

What’s the feeling underneath that you really want. That’s your happy by any other name.

Write that down somewhere safe because now you’re closer to what you REALLY want to feel.

And remember…

Each of your desired feelings already exist in your life.

Here’s proof – If your life isn’t at risk on a daily basis you are secure. If one other person (your kid/your BF) thinks you’re great, you’ve got status. If someone would miss you if you left, you are significant.

What about love? If you want someone to love you to make you feel happy, start by loving yourself. How can anyone else love you if you won’t?

Identify where your desired feelings already exist.ย Start small. Give them some room to breathe. Focus on them to amplify their power. Trust the process. Be grateful. Be humble.

You Aren’t Happy Because You’re Not Asking This Question

This is the only question that matters -How do you want to feel?

Ask it of yourself repeatedly. In multiple circumstances.

Once you know your desired feelings, you can deliberately move towards situations, environments and people that create these feelings for you in a good, positive, healthy way. You can build a life around ensuring you experience these desired feelings and this will make you happy.

Even better, you’ll be in charge of your happiness.

Here’s my Free Printable to remind you.

Click and download and stick it somewhere you’ll see it when you’re reaching for your wallet to buy more stuff to make you feel happy.

Use it to help you wake up to what you really want to feel – the makings of happiness.

Use it to be in charge of your happiness and choose happiness repeatedly.

No more numbed out BS and searching for happiness outside of you. You can turn your back on all that landfill fodder that over promises and under-delivers and just feel the way you want to feel – happy.

You have enough. You are enough. Go and FEEL happy about it.



  1. Virg on March 22, 2018 at 2:11 pm

    Great piece, thanks!
    I totally get that we strive for too much of unnecessary stuff and I actually don’t from a materialistic point of view. I value life beyond the non essential stuff.
    However what about when it comes to health?
    My issue is health anxiety and I feel like every little pain, difference I feel in the body is a scare and brings me anxiety. I try to bring on happiness mode with happy images, trying to feel it but what I feel is the digestive issue, or this little new pain here and there which bring on fear…. I would want so much to be free of these so I can be happy when I suspect it is the other way round ie accepting it all now and here with a sense of peace….. But the fear wins most of the time….And anxiety thoughts may bring more anxiety feelings in the body.
    How to extract myself from that grip and from noticing so much in the body and thinking on the worse, how to switch to actually FEELING happiness…. Not sure I am that clear, just sharing some thoughts ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Jescolme on March 24, 2018 at 2:52 pm

      Thank you for your comment and yes I totally understand about the fear and anxiety. They way I overcame that was to trust…each day I was still alive I thought, hmmm I must be here for a reason and that’s when I started to research other people who had recovered from my conditions and that helped me to change my beliefs around what was possible. Choose what you’re going to believe in and TRUST. You might like some of the videos on my YouTube channel which help with fear and anxiety – here’s one specifically for fear but there are plenty of others to check out –Audio exercise for fear

  2. Amy on March 22, 2018 at 4:14 pm

    Mills is happy despite having chicken pox in that pic!! Great article x

    • Jescolme on March 24, 2018 at 2:43 pm

      Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚ She looks gorgeous regardless…my star “happiness” model! x

  3. Nick-la on March 24, 2018 at 1:49 am

    Obvious stuff we ALL forget with our day to day bombardment of material things and unrealistic lifestyle goals. Good to be reminded so succinctly!! Will print off the little card and pop on the fridge!!!

    • Jescolme on March 24, 2018 at 2:42 pm

      Thanks for taking the time to comment and glad you enjoyed it ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Aimee Louise on March 29, 2018 at 8:14 pm

    I love this post! Just shows how materialistic items are not important & money cannot buy happiness. Thank you ๐Ÿ’›

    • Jescolme on March 30, 2018 at 7:17 am

      Exactly! Thanks for taking the time to comment ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Roger Moisan on April 15, 2018 at 12:52 pm

    My dad always told us as poor kids that the finer things in life are free. This never got me a new bike, but after many more years of disappointment, I have learned that an attitude of gratitude for what you do have is how to be happy. Like you, I travelled in Africa. I spent time with the aptly named Jolla tribe in Senegal.They have nothing but happiness, generosity and love to give. What more do you really need once your basic needs are met.
    Great article!

    • Jescolme on April 18, 2018 at 8:53 pm

      Thanks Roger, you are so right ๐Ÿ™‚

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