Ahhh, aging is beautiful, isn’t it?
The media tells you to lower your hemline and raise your hairline. The mirror reflects wrinkles and sagging, despite the fortune you spend on facial care. Doctors wind you up about the misery of the menopause and your parents start looking like they might keel over.
Welcome to your midlife crisis.
It’s quite the picnic.
And all you keep thinking is — shit! I’m halfway through! How am I not wildly successful, having already paid off my mortgage and radically changed the world for the better?
The real shocker is, you actually know people your age who have died. Like, unexpectedly dead. And that REALLY focuses your mind. As if someone’s ringing the half time bell shouting,
Stop pissing around and get on with stuff!
Suddenly you are AWAKE.
Wide awake and anxious and wondering why you’ve wasted so much time.
How Can You Love This?
You were supposed to have it all nailed by now. Back in your twenties this seemed like a distant dream and now it’s here and you seem to have screwed up.
Except you haven’t.
Sure you bought the complete package of what’s possible by midlife, (it looked good didn’t it?) But the truth is, the human experience is about suffering — sorry to break it to you — and that requires being challenged.
Which means not getting what you want.
At least not all of it.
And definitely not by midlife.
Sucks doesn’t it. But while the bad news is, you’re currently in pain — actually you’re taking a complete beating — the good news is, there’s a plan.
Your midlife crisis has been designed especially for you. No stone has been left unturned in making sure your buttons are pressed in exactly the right way to bring you to your knees for one very good reason.
You, my love, are here to be re-arranged.
Midlife is when your deck of cards is shuffled. Everything that seems solid and secure falls away to leave you vulnerable and exposed, PRECISELY so that you can discover who you really are.
Midlife Isn’t About Slowing Down
Midlife used to be about checking out the exits. Your mother may have disappeared into elasticated waistbands, but you are part of a new generation.
The best looking bunch of over-forties this planet has ever seen.
Your midlife crisis is a call to show up. For yourself, for your daughters, for the younger women you’re modelling to AND for men, because we are out of the kitchen and we’re not going back.
Midlife is an opportunity to change your life for the better. So here’s how to understand the unraveling and emerge as a different woman, the real YOU.
Be More Dangerous
Bye bye compromise. See ya sure thing. Playing it safe keeps you stuck. Time is shorter, be brave, take risks. Midlife is the time to start a business, write a book, take a travel adventure or have a fling. Seriously, it’s all up for grabs.
Remind yourself you are ALIVE.
Embrace Your Essence
Say goodbye to the woman you thought you were. She is leaving. Your job is to pack her bags with what no longer serves you.
Like the labels you’ve taken on, based on who your ego thinks you have to be…the perfect wife, mother, daughter, colleague, employee…
Your midlife crisis is a call to ditch your ego and let your essence take over. The second half is about you, and I mean who you REALLY are, and what you’re REALLY here to do.
To embrace your essence, be more YOU. Do YOU. Indulge YOU. Remember who YOU are.
Stop The Shit Storm
It’s raging because you’re procrastinating, compromising and trying to keep everyone happy.
Start saying NO. Regularly. Frequently. Without guilt.
Practise smiling as you do it and you’ll be amazed how much happier you are when you finally stop people pleasing.
Don’t take crap from anyone. Don’t hangout with energy vampires. Say FUCK OFF, if you have to. Love your midlife crisis because you stop caring about what other people think.
Surrender to the learning life has you. Because — spoiler alert — it will win.
Everything you’re hiding behind will crumble and what used to work, suddenly won’t. Trust me.
Let it go in advance, with love and realise it’s not part of your future. Make space for what is to come and be open to the forms it may come in.
It will never be what you expect!
Re-Package Your Baggage
The childhood trauma, the career regret, the heartbreak, illness, divorce…
All the baggage you’ve been carrying around will rear its ugly head and it will be loud and persistent until you deal with it.
Your midlife crisis is your chance to change your view of what’s happened and mentally re-pack it in your mind.
Write a new story of your life. Re-frame your trials as challenges and list the ways you have grown as a result. Create space for positivity around what’s possible and cast yourself as the heroine who has, and will continue to, evolve and overcome.
Practise Staying Alive
Exhaustion is NOT a status symbol.
Being busy does not validate your existence.
Symptoms that are ignored or medicated away do not magically disappear, so get real, because you only have one body. If it’s having a chat with you, listen. If it needs support, love it.
It is the most amazing piece of kit on the planet, be grateful.
Pimp Up Pleasure (Partner Optional)
Because sex is no longer about getting pregnant, pleasing someone else, or doing what good girls do.
It’s about PURE pleasure.
And that’s good for you.
Self-pleasure, shared pleasure, whatever pleasure you desire, go for it.
Your midlife crisis is not the end of your sex life, it’s a brilliant new beginning with you at the (vibrating?) controls. Discover what you like and how you like it and LOVE that you are in charge of it.
Feeling sexy isn’t about age, it’s about body confidence. Knowing what works for you is your passport to pleasure, use it!
Remember How You Got Those Wrinkles
When you hate the laughter lines you see in the mirror remember how you got them. Think back to the girls nights when you laughed so hard you pee’d yourself.
If you wince at your wrinkles, remember squinting up at the sun as you sailed that ocean, or rode bareback through the desert.
When you say you look shit, savour the shit you’ve been through and the fact you survived.
Own every part of your reflection because you know this woman. You’ve seen her at her best and her worst. She is capable of anything and she deserves respect. There is no ounce of this woman you have not lived.
Love her for it.
Sass It Up
Midlife is about knowing your power.
Power in the financial security of your home or your mortgage, power in your tribe of female friends, power in your community, power in your experience, power in your parenting, power in your colour, your disability or ability.
Power is everywhere and you have POWER.
So use it.
Speak up. Speak out. Champion the causes you care about. Be passionate. Be an activist. Stop apologizing. Step into your sassy self.
Now is your time.
You Are Being Re-Arranged For A Reason
Out of chaos comes transformation and your midlife crisis is an open door.
Walk through it and embrace the self-discovery. Your self-preservation and sanity depend upon it.
The first half of life is over, the second half is waiting in the wings if you’d just loosen your grip a little. Let go of what threatens to limit you. Trust that what you release will be replaced by something better. Believe you are a lovable, amazing human being who deserves more.
What feels like a meltdown is in fact a metamorphosis. You will emerge knowing who you are, finally owning what you want and above all, LIKING yourself.
Love is about being vulnerable and staying open and if you love your midlife crisis, in the end it will love you right back. Promise.